Still Waters: The Buzz Diary
by Collegekid2006
Summary: The personal diary of one Buzz McNab
1. Chapter 1

**April 2 **

I learned something new today.

If Detective Lassiter and Detective O'Hara borrow your watch, you're probably not going to get it back.

Ever.

Which is too bad.

I really liked that watch.

It glows in the dark.

I also learned that Detective Lassiter gets really mad when you ask him to give you your watch back. The vein in his forehead kind of pops out and his eyes get really narrow, like he's trying to see you better before he starts yelling at you.

He might need glasses.

But I don't think I'm going to tell him that.

**April 4 **

My Francie got me a new watch.

It doesn't glow in the dark, but that's okay.

We have a new rule, too.

I'm not allowed to let anyone borrow it.

Or take it, even if it's not my fault.

And not even if they really, really need it.

Francie says no one really needs my watch.

**April 5 **

I think Detective Lassiter might need hearing aids, too.

At least, every time I try to tell him something about a case, he just stares at me and asks _"What?". _

Almost like he can't believe what I just said.

But then when I say it again louder, he gets mad at me and that vein in his forehead pops out.

So I don't think I'll tell him he needs hearing aids. I think that might make him mad.

Maybe I should get him some for Christmas, though.

I have to get him something good this year, anyway.

I don't think he liked the snow globe I got him last Christmas.

At least, I've never seen it out on his desk.

And he didn't even send a thank you note.

Of course, it's only April…it might have just gotten lost in the mail.

**April 8 **

The cat threw up in my work shoes again.

He must have been eating pineapple.

Pineapple always upsets his tummy.

I don't know why he keeps eating it.

And I don't know who started feeding it to him in the first place. Why would you give pineapple to a cat?

And why would you teach a cat how to open the refrigerator to get to the pineapple?

Maybe I should just stop buying pineapple.

Or maybe I should just start Scotch-Guarding my shoes.


	2. Chapter 2

**April 9 **

Francie made a new rule.

I'm not allowed to shoot my BB gun in the house anymore.

Not even if it's just at the coat rack.

And not even if I think maybe the coat rack is moving.

The new rule starts in three weeks.

That's when Francie said I can have my BB gun back.

She didn't take away my real gun, though. I need that for work.

Plus, I hid it.

But don't tell her that.

**April 11 **

I wish I was a psychic.

It looks like fun.

Except for the whole communicating with spirits thing.

I don't think I'd like that part.

But at least I would get to help solve cases instead of just getting Detective Lassiter and Chief Vick their coffee all the time.

And at least I wouldn't have any trouble passing the Detective's exam.

And maybe sometimes I'd actually know why Detective Lassiter was yelling at me.

**April 13 **

I think the cat tricked me.

Can cats do that?

I sat down on the couch today with a sandwich, which I'm not supposed to do because Francie doesn't like crumbs, but it's not really a rule.

Anyway, as soon as I sat down the cat started staring at the coat rack.

Really hard.

Like there was something in there.

And I thought I saw the coat rack start moving again…

Of course, I didn't have my BB gun because Francie still won't give it back, so I went to get my real gun.

When I came back, my sandwich was gone and the cat was gone and there was nothing in the coat rack at all, except for some coats and one umbrella.

Francie thinks I'm being silly. How could a cat know how to trick me like that? And how could the cat make the coat rack move?

But if he didn't trick me, what happened to my sandwich?

And why did he look so happy when he was taking his nap?

**April 15 **

The Detective's exam is coming up again.

I've already taken it twice.

Detective O'Hara said she would help me study for the deductive reason section this time, but I still wish I was a psychic.

Then I wouldn't need deductive reasoning.

I could catch the bad guys with my psychic powers, like Shawn does.

I'd be like a superhero.

Except I wouldn't wear a cape.

I don't think Francie would let me wear a cape.

And a mask would probably make my face itch.

I wonder what my superhero name would be…


	3. Chapter 3

**April 19 **

I did it.

I finally outsmarted the cat.

At least, I think I did.

I put a lock on the refrigerator door.

Now he can't get in and eat all the pineapple, so he'll stop throwing up in my shoes.

I hope…

I'm running out of shoes.

And pineapple.

Franice wasn't happy when she found out about the lock.

I guess I should have made her a copy of the key, too.

**April 20 **

Jack's mom has three kids.

One of them is named April.

One of them is named May.

What is the third kid's name?

It's one of the problems in the logic book Detective O'Hara let me borrow to study for the Detective's exam.

The answer's supposed to be on page 114, but there is no page 114.

I don't get it.

All Detective O'Hara would tell me is that the answer isn't June.

What else can it be?

There's April.

There's May.

There's Jack, too, of course.

But what is the other kid's name?

I think it's a trick question.

**April 21 **

I actually got to help on a case today.

My very first undercover assignment ever.

Kind of…

I had to go buy a lottery ticket from a store that they thought might be selling fake lottery tickets.

It turned out the ticket were real.

I won thirty bucks, but Detective Lassiter wouldn't let me keep it.

He said it was evidence.

Then Detective O'Hara glared at him and said no it wasn't and made him give it back.

Maybe I'll buy a watch that glows in the dark with it.

**April 22 **

I locked my keys inside the refrigerator.

At least, Francie said I did it.

But I don't think it was me. I thought I left them on the table.

It took me an hour to saw through the lock.

Once I did, though, my keys were sitting there on the door. So, I guess I did lock them inside.

Did you know that metal gets really cold after being the refrigerator for an hour?

Also, the cat threw up in my shoes again.

And we have a new rule.

No locks on the refrigerator door.


	4. Chapter 4

**April 22 **

I finally figured it out.

I know what my superhero name would be…you know, if I had psychic powers.

Psychman!

I was going to go with Super Buzz, but then I realized that might ruin my secret identity. 

Of course, my superhero name could be Super Buzz and I would just change my real name…

That might work.

But what would I change it to?

Maybe Steve…

Oh!

Wait!

I know!

_Super_ Steve!

Yeah…

Super Steve…

**April 25 **

It's almost been three weeks, but Francie still won't give me my BB gun back.

And I really need it, too.

The coat rack was moving again, and the cat wasn't anywhere near it this time.

I think it might be haunted.

Do BB guns work on ghosts?

Maybe I should get a ghost gun…

Do they make ghost guns?

I bet Shawn has a ghost gun.

How could you be a psychic and _not_ have a ghost gun?

**April 27 **

The Detective's exam is in three weeks.

I've been trying to study for it, but I don't think I'm ready.

I still don't even know what the third kid's name is.

Francie says she knows I'll pass it this time, but I don't know.

I've never passed it before.

And The Detective's exam doesn't have a page 114.

And even if it did, I couldn't look at it.

That would be cheating.

And Super Steve wouldn't cheat.

Of course, Super Steve wouldn't have to cheat…he'd have psychic powers…

**April 29 **

Shawn came over to help me look for ghosts in the coat rack.

He said he couldn't find any.

But he did find a Clark Bar.

I let him keep it.

I think he was happy to see the cat again, too.

He brought him some pineapple.

He's such a good psychic!

How did he know the cat likes pineapple?

**April 30 **

It's been three weeks.

Francie had to give me my BB gun back.

She promised.

Of course, I'm still not allowed to shoot it in the house.

But she didn't say anything about taking the coat rack outside and shooting it.

**May 1 **

My BB gun's gone again.

And there's a new rule.

No taking the coat rack outside and shooting it.

Not even if I still think it's haunted even though Shawn said it isn't.


	5. Chapter 5

**May 2**

The cat hissed at me!

He's never done that before.

Not even the time I accidentally shut his tail in the bathroom door.

I think maybe the ghost in the coat rack is back, but Francie said the cat probably just doesn't like my Hawaiian shirt and that's why he hissed at me.

I think she was joking, but why wouldn't the cat like my shirt?

It's a good shirt.

It's green and blue and yellow…what else would I wear on my day off?

**May 3**

Do superheroes have to get people their coffee?

I don't think they do.

_I've_ never seen a superhero get anyone coffee, anyway.

I've never even seen a superhero drink coffee.

Maybe superheroes don't like coffee…

I don't really like coffee, either, but I think it's a law that you have to drink it if you're a detective.

I think it's also a law that if you're a detective, you never actually have to get your own coffee.

You get to tell _other_ people to get it for you.

I might not hate coffee so much if someone else got it for me…

And maybe if I start getting it with three creams and four sugars, like Detective Lassiter does, it won't taste so bad…

**May 5**

I think I finally figured it out!

And I didn't even need page 114!

See, I have this friend named Jack…

Well, not really.

His name is Bob, but I don't think he'll mind if I pretend his name is Jack.

Anyway, he really _does_ have two sisters.

Their names aren't April and May, but if I pretend they are, then my friend Jack's mom (who is really Bob's mom) has three kids all together.

April (even though her name is Sarah, I think)

May (even though her name is really Barb)

And…Jack! (Even though his name is really Bob).

So…that means that the third kid's name is Bob!

…I mean, Jack.

…I think….

**May 6**

Maybe Francie was right.

Maybe the cat doesn't like my Hawaiian shirt.

But why did he have to rip it shreds?

And how did he get it out of my top drawer in the first place?

And what could a cat possibly have against Hawaiian shirts, anyway?


	6. Chapter 6

**May 10**

My shoelaces are gone.

All of them.

I don't know where they went, but I think the cat took them.

But what would a cat want with shoelaces?

And where would he put them?

He doesn't have any pockets.

Or shoes.

Maybe the ghost in the coat rack helped him…

Either way, Detective Lassiter wasn't happy when I went to work without shoelaces. The vein in his head popped out again and he said if I don't buy some more damn shoelaces, I shouldn't bother coming into work tomorrow.

Detective O'Hara said that doesn't mean I get an extra day off this week.

She said that means I'm supposed to buy some more damn shoelaces.

**May 11**

Detective Lassiter and Detective O'Hara caught a killer today.

And I helped!

Kind of…

I had to stay at the crime scene and make sure no one was there who wasn't supposed to be there.

Detective Lassiter said that meant Shawn and Gus, too. He said if they started sticking their noses into the case, I was supposed to lock them up and lose the key. But then they showed up with a note from him that said they were allowed to help, so I guess he changed his mind.

The note also said I could take an early lunch, so I did.

And it also said I was also supposed to give the cat pineapple when I got home because he really likes pineapple.

I did that, too.

Anyway, I kept the crime scene closed off all day and the forensics guys got some fingerprints that helped catch the killer.

If people who weren't supposed to be there were just walking all over the scene, they wouldn't have gotten the prints.

That means I helped catch a criminal!

Does that kind of make me like a superhero?

Even if I don't have a cape or a cool superhero name?

**May 13**

The ghost is back.

And he keeps moving the coat rack across the hallway!

Francie doesn't believe me, but it's true!

She won't give me my BB gun back, and I still can't find a ghost gun.

Shawn said he doesn't have one, but he'll check pBay for me.

pBay is like eBay, but for psychics.

You must have to be a psychic to find it on the internet, though, because I looked for it and Google kept asking me if I meant eBay.

I guess Google isn't psychic, either.

**May 14**

I'm going to pass the Detective's Exam!

I asked Shawn today if he could see the future, and he said yes.

I'm going to pass.

He even gave me a special psychic rock to keep in my pocket when I study. He said it will help me remember everything I read.

I named the rock Bernie.

And it must work because I read a lot today and I remember all of it!

Well…most of it.

I kind of forgot the title of the book, but that's okay because I'm pretty sure the Detective's Exam doesn't ask you for the title of the books you read.


	7. Chapter 7

**May 17**

I found my shoelaces.

They were buried under the cat's litter.

I don't think I'll put them back in my shoes.

But, that probably means that the ghost in the coat rack didn't take them, after all.

It was probably the cat, like I thought in the first place.

Unless the ghost in the coat rack _told _the cat to take them...

I really need to get a ghost gun.

I hope Shawn can find one on pBay.

**May 19**

There was another crime scene that had to be locked down today.

I heard Detective O'Hara tell Detective Lassiter that she was going to send Johnson to do it, but Detective Lassiter told her that Johnson's a moron.

"Send McNab. At least _he_ doesn't sleep on the job," he said.

That's me!

I'm _he!_

I'm McNab, too!

Detective Lassiter wanted _me_ to lock down the crime scene because he doesn't think I'm a moron!

Of course, he doesn't know I heard him say that. He didn't see me because I was under the desk looking for my jawbreaker. It was supposed to be in my pocket, but it fell out and I thought it rolled under the desk.

I never found it, which is too bad because it was a grape one and I really like the grape ones.

I don't mind, though.

I don't think Detectives eat jawbreakers, anyway.

**May 21**

I took the test today.

I had Bernie in my pocket the whole time, and I think it worked because I remembered the answer to a lot of the questions.

I hope that's not cheating.

I looked at the rules, and they didn't say anything about not having a special psychic rock in your pocket while you took the test.

They did say you can't use a calculator, though.

Or a pen.

**May 24**

Shawn said he couldn't find a ghost gun on pBay.

But he also said Bernie isn't just a special psychic rock, he's also a Ghost-Butt-Kicking-Krav Maga rock. So I put Bernie in the coat rack, and the ghost is gone!

At least, I think the ghost is gone.

The coat rack didn't move while I was at work, and it hasn't moved since I got home…But maybe he's just hiding…

I think maybe I'll leave Bernie in the coat rack for a few days, just to make sure.

**May 28**

I passed the test!

Even the Deductive Reasoning section!

I can be a Detective now!

Francie was so proud she said I could have my BB gun back.

I told her I don't need it anymore.

Superheroes don't need BB guns.

At least, they don't need BB guns once they get rid of the ghosts in their coat racks.

**May 30**

The Chief said there might not be an opening for a Detective for a while because of budget cuts.

I don't mind, though.

She said she was proud of me for passing the test, and today she told Johnson to get her coffee instead of me.

Also, when Detective Lassiter told me to lock down another crime scene, he didn't even come by to make sure I did it right.

"You know what to do, McNab." He said.

Of course I know what to do!

Superheroes always know what to do, even if they're not really superheroes yet.


End file.
